This is part of a series on the Five Tenets of Taekwondo: Courtesy, Integrity, Perseverance, Self Control, and Indomitable Spirit.
When I was first learning the tenets as a white belt, I started off thinking that Courtesy was the lightweight on the team. I thought of it as being polite, saying please and thank you, maybe opening a door for somebody if I was feeling supercourteous.
The longer I have studied martial arts and the more I have come to understand what courtesy truly means, the more I have realized that this tenet is the foundation for everything else that we do.
Courtesy means being respectful of people, animals, and things. We are thoughtful, considerate, kind, and protective. We put others before ourselves.
Respect is fundamental to martial arts. We see it from the very first class: students saying "yes ma'am" or "yes sir" to instructors, bowing, saluting the flags, coming to attention. But those are only the outward signs of the inner change that must occur for a white belt to become a true black belt. There are people who believe that showing respect for another is degrading. That by giving your respect you lower yourself. The opposite is true! A person who is disrespectful does not have the spirit of a black belt. Showing courtesy for others in fact demonstrates your strength of character. By showing respect for another person, you are indicating that you value them. In turn, they are far more likely to respect and help you in turn. Respect is not something that can be demanded. I have had the misfortune to meet a few martial arts instructors who did not understand this. They believed that for one reason or another they "deserved" respect. "I'm such an incredible fighter, so you must respect me." Or "I'm a 12th degree black belt, so you must respect me." (That's a sure sign to run, by the way. You can only earn up to an 8th degree in taekwondo, and even those are rare!) Or "I am a 15-time national champion, so you must respect me." Or even just "I am the master of this school, so you must respect me."
Don't misunderstand me: I do expect respect from my students. I do not tolerate disrespect. But I do not demand respect from anyone. I earn it - through my respect for you. In my class, I treat every student with the courtesy that I want to receive in return. Those who demand respect may get the outward signs, but even those may only last temporarily and inside they will only earn resentment. True respect must be earned.
Unfortunately, courtesy sometimes feels like it is dying. Social media is awash with tirades and insults, mockery and flouncing. Even in person conversations and encounters often lack polite behavior. It can seem fruitless to even try.
Yet this is part of what makes us true black belts. Even when those around us are rude, selfish, or flippant, we choose to be respectful and courteous. We treat others the way we would want to be treated, even when we are the only party making that effort. Those efforts will help us be more successful in all parts of life.
At Grand Valley Taekwondo, students who are disrespectful do not progress. You cannot get closer to black belt without the requisite attitude! That rule applies at the dojang AND at home. Parents work with instructors to ensure that the lessons being learned on the mat are translating to home life as well. Sometimes it may take a student awhile to progress to the next belt rank while learning how to incorporate courtesy on a daily basis. But taking the time to fully embrace the tenets makes our students far better black belts than they could be otherwise.
Here are five basic ways that you can practice showing courtesy this week at home: 1. Listen. When someone is speaking to you, give them your full attention 2. Apologize when you do something wrong 3. Share something of yours with someone else
4. Clean up after yourself (promptly!)
5. Sincerely thank someone who has served you